You are my sanity

Hello Little Bird,

You are now 17 weeks along.  We are so excited to meet you.  I look into your room every day, and cannot wait until you are in there waiting for me!

I have to tell you little one, I really love your Daddy.  He does not show his feelings well.  But he does care very much.  He prefers to show that he cares.  He has been so patient and loving by letting me open my own firm, at the same period that you are coming into our lives!

Your Daddy is very good with finances.  He helps us save a lot for retirement, and what we need.  We made a big decision the month that we conceived you, that I would start my own law firm.  I really enjoyed law school and did well there.  But I have had a hard time finding my place since then.  I had a good group of attorneys that I worked with in Wichita, Kansas just after I finished law school.  I loved the partners, but there was one associate that I just could not get along with.  I really tried to get to know him, but I just could not imagine being left alone as a partner with this guy when all of the older guys that I enjoyed retired.  We decided we wanted to be closer to family, and we really enjoy spending time with your Auntie Daisy and Uncle Kevin in Lincoln.  We also liked the town a lot better than Wichita.  It came to a point that we decided if I was going to start my own firm, that now is the time! It is exciting, but very hard to adjust to not having a regular paycheck (or any paycheck yet).  It takes awhile to get to a positive cash flow when starting a new firm.  I was having  hard time with not saving as much for retirement right now.  Today your Daddy said the sweetest thing to me today.  He said that he was not worried about the lack of saving right now, that I am part of his sanity.  My happiness helps him stay sane.  I do need to commit to giving this firm about 2.5 years to be successful.  Hopefully at that point I will be making at least $50,000.00 a year after paying all expenses for the firm.

There is a song out right now called "Next to Me".  It's about how you will never find her man chasing demons or doing bad things, staying out late, or anything of the sort.  Your dad will always be next to me.  And I love him so much.  It helps to know that no matter what, he will be there.

Gone

I think one of the most important things that your dad and I can do for you is to love one another.  I don't ever want to overshare with you.  You won't be my friend, you will be our child.  But you should know, that I am crazy in love with your dad.

I remember so vividly how it was when we fell in love.  I could not stand to be away from him.  It literally hurt me.  I could hear his motorcycle come home to our scholarship halls (we lived next door to eachother).  It took quite a bit of convincing from my roommates to keep me from going to see him all the time.  I would never hang out with him without planning the next time I would see him.  I think we had only been hanging out a few weeks when I told him that I loved him, and to my surprise he said it back.  We went through some tough things initially with my family, and your dad said he would do anything he could to help me get through school and support me.

There is a new song that really speaks to how I feel about him.  It is called Gone by Phillip Phillips.

 



Here are some of the lyrics:


I surrender honestly

You've always done the same for me


And I would do it for you, for you

Baby I'm not moving on

I love you long after you're gone

For you, for you

You would never sleep alone

I love you long after you're gone

And long after you're gone gone gone


You're my back bone, you're me cornerstone

You're my crutch when my legs stop moving

You're my headstart, you're my rugged heart

You're the pokes that I've always needed

Like a drum baby don't stop beating


Lyrics from here.


Even though your dad isn't as demonstrative of his love, he shows it by being a good man and being patient. He does sweet things sometimes. Today for example, he was heading to work as I was heading home from a meeting. He was ready to leave. I had called him on my way home. He called to ask where I was and said he could wait to leave until I got back so that he could give me a kiss before he left.

I promise to you that I will keep falling in love with your dad when difficult times come.  I hope that someday you will fall in love with someone.  I will start praying for your future spouse now.

Your dad really likes people to be strong and self sufficient.  So I knew he would not be babying me through my pregnancy.  He has done a few cute things though.  We were heading to the Holy Family Shrine and I was feeling a bit nauseous   I mentioned I wished we had bottled ginger ale.  He made everyone wait in the car when he ran inside (as he often does when he forgets things), and came back out with a cup of ginger ale.